Goodbye Gwenda

Its been a sad week as we had to say goodbye to Gwenda who had been my Mother in Law and someone I'd known since I was 18. For the past 21 months she'd been living at Snowdrop House Care Home in Ware just 5 minutes walk from our house. She was officially diagnosed with Dementia in 2019 although it was fairly clear things weren't right for a while. As a family we faced a familiar tale as post diagnostic support became invisible and we were left to make some major decisions with little backing. It started the day a social worker turned up at the hospital where she'd been admitted with a stomach problem point blankly refusing to contemplate any funded provision of care on her return home. "You won't qualify for that" were the exact words. Finally after demanding a second opinion a second social worker set up a six week funded care package. A big lesson in never giving up at the first hurdle. Sadly the care package didn't allow Gwenda to remain at home but it at least did give us time to think.

A move to permanent care was the only real option and I will be forever thankful that we chose Snowdrop House which became her home and part of our lives. Outside of the home help was virtually non existant the Mental Health Team did visit once mumbled things like 'well yes thats what you can expect with dementia' and looking directly at me 'well you worked for the Alzheimer's Society so you probably know more than me.' I might present the UK's first weekly internet radio show on the subject but the experts are the people I talk to I just pick up knowledge from them. Despite her decline though Gwenda made it very obvious when she was handing over the reins to the family she had cared for all her life. Sitting on the bed early in her stay it was explained that if she wanted to stay in her new home we'd have to sell the house she'd lived in for over 60 years. A slight pause and then she replied 'makes sense.'

Care Homes are subject to various reviews and it very true that you can have all the glossy brochures, wordy policies and complicated procedures you like and still come up short. What you need more than anything is a team of dedicated individuals who care deeply about what they do. Gladly thats exactly what we found at Snowdrop they were more than a home they were an extension of the family. As the funeral car left 20 members of staff lined up outside the building holding their hands in the shape of a heart.

Reading a eulogy is never easy but thankfully my radio training got me through it. I also learned a few things about my Mother in Law, she broke a church window playing rounders, was an ace hockey player, survived the gearstick coming off in her hands during her driving test and was proposed to on the top deck of a 112 bus. Memories that dementia couldn't take away.